Wednesday, January 30, 2008

200.64 - Green Hornet Fishing Pole

To Our Concerned Customers:

It has been reported that an Illegal Ice Penetrator is attempting to access the Territorial Baitman Waters in an unauthorized manner.

It seems that the Perpetrator , known only as "Billy O", has manufactured a funky pole device to access the waterways through the ice. Our investigators have discovered that he is distributing his products through E-Bay.

price: US $21.00

End time:Feb-01-08 18:42:33 PST (1 day 23 hours)

Shipping costs:

US $6.00
US Postal Service Priority Mail^®

Ships to:United States

Item location: Hamburg, MI, United StatesHistory:0 bids

Not much is known about this "Billy O" at this time, but it is reported that he thinks he needs no license agreement with the Baitman since "Ice" is no longer water, thus an uncontrolled substance. It has also been discovered that He has set up his manufacturing facilities in the same neighborhood as the former "Better Baits" outfit.

The Baitman certainly encourages new product development, but all products need to be endorsed by, and carry,our "BUL" (Baitman Underwater Labs) Seal of Approval, so that we can collect the appropriate royalties.

It is suspected that the company will experience a meltdown by Spring and will just become another .dot com trying to manipulate the Bait Business.

The Baitman urges that "Billy O" come forward and present himself with his true intentions, properly sign New Product Licenses, and agree to use only approved Baitman Bait with his product.

The Baitman is also offering a "1000 Worm Reward" for further information.

Sincerely,

Frozen Bait Department

Baitman Enterprises
1/30/08
200.64

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

200.63 - Home of the "36" Worm

BAITMAN DEVELOPS NEW '36' INCH SUPER TERRESTRIS

PRESS RELEASE:

Baitman Enterprises... Home of the 36" Worm

Baitman Research has now developed a "Super Terrestris" worm measuring out a full "36" inches. According to "Worm Digest Magazine" it appears that Baitman's New Product Line will bring the final demise to it's "Loser" competitor known as "Better Baits".

The Fishing world is now revolutionized.....never have to buy a Dozen worms again and carry all of those nasty containers around in your Tackle Box.

The "Super Terrestris Worm" is a Full 36 inches - You simply "Snip Off" the desired amount depending on the type of fishing that you are doing. It is suggested to Snip off a little "extra" if you are going for the "Big One".....

Directions: Simply Snip the desired amount based on the size of the Fish that you are seeking to catch. The Rest is best stored in Baitman Tequila. Product is safe to eat by all Fish and Fishermen.

BBQ recipes available for Fishermen who have no time to Fish.

You can trust BAITMAN to continually research the Worm World in order to develop the "BEST" of Baits....

Service Support: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Enterprises
8/16/06
200.63

200.62 - Baitman License Plates

Monday, January 28, 2008

200.61 - Baitman Monopoly Game

THE BAITMAN PRESENTS......

The New "GLOBAL EDITION" of MONOPOLY....

For those who have not played Monopoly for awhile we remind you that you start at "GO". From that point on there are some changes in this Fishing Expedition that are not traditional from the game when you were a kid. We will explain in the following Game Rules.

The Object of the Game is rather Simple. All you have to do is to make it around the Board and Buy as many Worms as you can from the Baitman to be the WINNER.
First, you must make a Deposit by placing all of your money into the BAITMAN BANK. This will get the game started.

GAME TIPS & RULES:

1. You only get One Dice (Die) - to roll. This is the "House Edge" to keep the game at a moderate speed and to obtain more Baitman Sales. Valued customers may be offered the chance to buy an additional "Die" at a later time.

2. You must present your own "Token" at the "GO" position. We suggest a Minnow, Worm, or Cricket as such. Players using large tokens such as Dogs and Cats will not be allowed to proceed.

3. BOARDWALK PLACE: Unlike regular Monopoly, this is NOT where you want to end your game. This is considered DRY DOCK and obviously you have demonstrated no Fishing Skills.

4. COMMUNITY CHEST CARDS: These cards usually make you donate back to the Baitman Bank the Catches that you have accumulated.

5. CHANCE CARDS: These cards are pretty Valuable to the Player. Sometimes you will earn Double-Bait Bucks, A Free Fishing Shack, Collect Worms from all other Players - But if you get the ADVANCE TO BOARDWALK.... YOU LOSE....YOU GET NOTHING !!!!!!!

6. RAILROADS: We don't use Rail Roads anymore for Fishing, so these are Free Spaces.

7. HOUSES: You may purchase "Fishing Shacks" on properties by buying the required amount of Bait. If You have sufficient funds, you may purchase a "Bait Shop" (Hotel).

8. If you land on "FREE PARKING" you advance to the nearest Railroad. IF you land in "JAIL" you advance to BOARDWALK.... (Sorry, that's just the way the software was written.

Per the "EQUAL FISHING OPPOR-TUNA ACT" . sponsored by BAITMAN in Congress, 2001. and in the interest of FAIR CATCHING and GAMING, will provide upon request. detailed Algebraic Formulation used in the design of this software.

Contact: BAITMASTER

REGISTER: Please send me the current Baitman Catalog 2005 Edition. or portions of it as we get around to publishing it. You will be discreetly billed funds as we feel necessary to keep this boat afloat. Once in awhile, you will be sent a free worm or some Baitman product for Consumer/Test Analysis. If you give a favorable response we will give some credit to your account or free coupons.

Baitman Enterprises
1/26/03
200.61

Sunday, January 27, 2008

200.60 - Heart Smart Bait

THE AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION APPROVES

BAITMAN "36" WORM FOR NUTRIENT VALUES

2006 Diet and Lifestyle Recommendations:

The American Heart Association continually reviews products that may be helpful in prevention of cardiovascular disease. A "Healthy Heart" is usually a combination of a good Lifestyle, and nutritious Foods. The association today now explores products that perhaps were considered non-foods only ten years ago. There is a host of Natural and Organic Healthy Foods around us.

Baitman Enterprises has always promoted the "Heart Smart" lifestyle in the interest of Sport Fishing and Outdoor Relaxation. Most products that the Baitman promotes (Fish, Minnows, Worms, etc.) are rich in Omega 3 - fatty acids that promote healthy vascular function.

The Association has reviewed the Baitman's New "36" Worm which is now sweeping the Coasts. Extensive Laboratory Tests and Research validates the stated Nutritional Claims. In addition, the Product, is indeed, safe to be eaten both by Fish and Fishermen.

The Baitman "36" Worm comes in two types of packaging. The "Worm" comes either in a dry "Wormwood Container", or wet, packed in a Tequila Bottle. The Heart Association Endorses BOTH products, but seek the advice of your Physician if you suffer headaches from the wet-pack.

Nutrition Values:

Baitman 36" Worm

Serving Size: 1 inch

36 servings per Bait Container

CALORIES from fat - 100% Daily Value

Saturated Fat - 100%

Sodium (Salt) - 100%

Cholesterol - 0% Lo Fat Worm

Dietary Fiber - 25g

Carbohydrates - 300mg

Sugars- 65g

Protein - 2400mg

Vitamins Added: B, A,I, T and others

Iron - 0% - product designed to float

Contact Baitman Enterprises for more

information and a complete cookbook

of "Worm Recipes".

1-800-BAITMAN

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/06
200.60

200.59 - Baitman Fishing Tour T-Shirt

Baitman Fishing Tour 2006

AVAILABLE IN: Small - Medium - Large - XXL Large

Baitman Disclosure:

This Custom Tee Shirt is designed as illustrated and is modeled by one of our own Baitman Cruise Staff Members. You may order in a variety of sizes, but please be advised, that the Larger the Size Selected, You actually get less shirt, but more Model. It is suggested that you order the Shirts in Dozens and Variety of Sizes (like our Worms), since Baitman can not be held responsible of the consequences of whether Shirts are actually worn or NOT worn.

Baitman Enterprises
1/18/06
200.59

200.58 - Baitman Halloween Costume

Attention:

Baitman Customers

All USA Associates:

SEASONAL SCAM ALERT....

We have been advised that the once defunct "Better Baits" has surfaced once again. In a Bold move, he even set up his operation on the GRAND RIVER which runs straight through our Baitman Waterways in this town. The entire Operation is under "Disguise" using a Halloween Outlet Store as a front.

We sent in our Undercover Investigators to see what is going on. First, it seems that he is having his own problems with the local officials. On the Front Door they have posted a large Orange Sticker - " NO FISHING HERE ". It was also noted that there was no "Handicap Boat Docking" facilities.

Inside, Our Investigators found a huge "Meat Department" which is nothing else than "Bait" being sold in a disguise. The Shelves are loaded with Unauthorized Products that are not licensed by our "Fin N Fur" Dept" - like Wigs, Hooks, Clubs, Spears. etc.

When our Mystery Shoppers attempted to make a Purchase to gather evidence, It was noted that the Credit Card machine automatically "DECLINES" the Baitman Debit Card.

Baitman Enterprises works continuously to develop ways to "Disguise" our Fisherman Appearance in order to "FOOL" the Fish Population. This Item is now available for only $29.95 when placing your Regular Bait Order. Yes, We DO ACCEPT the Baitman Debit Card.

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/07
200.58

200.57 - Baitman Astro Fishing Stick

NEW ASTRO FISHING STICK

This New “Astro” Stick will be a a multi-purpose Fishing Stick which can easily be converted, with accessories, to a Fishing Rod, Golf Club, or even a Rabbit Club.

The secret of the construction is the use of rare kryptonite, thus making Fiberglass and Titanium products obsolete. The Astro Fishing Stick is a “Universal Tool” and utilizes the best of Space Age Technology.

Hot Invention…. Supplies will be limited. We are signing up dealerships now and encourage you to reserve your Sales Territory Now….All Accessories, Worms, Minnows, Golf Balls, and Rabbits will be supplied from the regular Fin ‘N Fur Division. One “Stick” can now do it all….

Disclaimer: Baitman will not sell this product to any Police or Governmental Agencies who already have “Clubs & Stick-like” accessories. Nor will this product be sold to any organization that does not adhere to “Right To Club” agenda. This would include the Humane Society, PETA, and most Vegetarians.

The Astro Fishing Stick is environmental friendly and fireproof. You can use this product On Land, In the Air, or By Sea. ORDER YOURS TODAY…..

Baitman Enterprises
2/27/01
200.57

200.56 - Baitman Mail Box (F)

Customer Crawler Complaint

Dear Sir

Thank you for your correspondence concerning the “Crawlers” that you ordered and that you claim don’t “crawl….

We operate a reputable and outstanding Bait Supply company and do not tolerate any negative complaints. For this reason we turned the matter over to our Complaint Bureau for a complete investigation. The report is as follows:

The Baitman supplies a variety of Baits including “Fresh”, “Artificial”, and “Freeze-Dried”. It is concluded that the customer ordered Artificial Bait which is the reason why they didn’t crawl.
Actually, The Baitman noticed the error and corrected the order to “Fresh”, but it has been determined that the customer ignored the instructions that were included in the packing slip. It very clearly states, “in small print” that our Fresh Bait is not to be used in Salt Water. The customer not only killed his own bait but also voided all warranties.

We value your patronage, but we just can’t be having these complaints which may damage our reputation. Any report on your part to the “Worm Bureau” will be considered Libelous and slanderous which will result in us not including packing slips in future orders and thus all orders received would be “as is”.

We regret to take such action to such a valued customer. All this can be avoided simply by “stopping your complaining”. We know that you will understand our position. Good Fishing, Sir.

Baitman Enterprises
2/15/01
200.56

Thursday, January 24, 2008

200.55 - Baitman Fishing Scholarship

Baitman Awards Fishing Scholarship

Take Me Fishing For many years,BAITMAN has been growing the industry through dedicated programs that help in the recruitment of new anglers.

At a time when many parents are concerned that their kids spend far too much time indoors, fishing is a good way to motivate them to get off the couch. Fishing differs from many other forms of outdoor recreation because it not only gives kids a lasting way to connect to nature, it improves family communication in ways few activities can. It has also been an excellent source for creating new Worm Buyers.

This year the BAITMAN AWARD goes to ANNA SPIROKA, 9 years old from Rochester Hills, Michigan - The Great Lakes State.

Anna got her great catch on a "Barbie Fishing Pole" and did not even need a Fishing License to enter the Baitman competition.

Prizes Awarded:

a) 500 Free Baitman Worms

b) Baitman Debit Card

c) Baitman Tee Shirt

d) One Free Class at Baitman Fishing School

The Barbie Pole is now available in the Baitman Store.

Regular Price: $20.00 - "Special Anna Price" - FREE with any

Worm Purchase from the Baitman. Must order by Midnite. Supplies

very limited. First come, first served.....
Photo:

Anna Spiroka - Rochester Hills, Mich. Holding a "36" Monster

caught on a Barbie Pole with a Baitman 36" Worm.

Baitman Enterprises
6/17/06
200.55

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

200.54 - Worm Mobile

Mr. Sir:

Thank You for the interest that you expressed in our WORM Mobile.

I spoke to the Baitman personally this morning and I am happy to confirm that the Mobile does indeed come with (2) Worms. You expressed a concern to carry a Dozen or more worms at a time....but this is only our two Worm Model.

This is a Worm Safety issue per the "WSOTA" act, 2002. (Worm Safety/Occupation/Transport Act).

Most States now require adhereance to the Worm Protection Act (WPA) and will not allow transport of more than two worms at a time without approved transport containers which are, of course, always available from Baitman Enterprises.

To encourage your purchase of our WormMobile, Baitman is offering at no charge, a special Tire Upgrade:

MAXXIS WORMDRIVE CX TIRE - SUPER ALL-TERRAIN WORM PERFORMANCE

These are Super Slick Worm Racing Tires

Made from Genuine Worm Casings and test at

60psi. For Loose or Hardpack Soil Conditions.

All Natural Fibers and Environment Friendly.

Baitman Enterprises
1/10/06
200.54

200.53 - Indoor Fishing Pond

Global Warming Alert

Baitman Enterprises has received a "RED" alert that indicates that Worms needed for the Christmas Season may be in short supply due to GLOBAL WARMING.

Our loyal Ice Fishermen have never paid attention to Global Warming, being sufficiently cold enough....Others, however have turned to Santa Claus....thinking that he has the main source of Worms during the winter months...ready to stuff the stockings.

It seems that due to the results of the last Election, the Democrats have turned-up the Global Warming Program and even Santa and his Reindeer will not be able to pluck enough worms.

Please be informed that the Worm & Bait supplies to many of our USA customers will be interrupted for a season. This week the US congress passed the "Global Warming Environmental Act" (Act 69597 - 2006) which will effect most of our Northern States by mandatory freezing of Fishing Ponds and Lakes.

If Your Favorite Fishing Site has been "Red-Tagged" by the Government (like above), we encourage you write to your Congressman. The Baitman Legal Staff is working hard to oppose this new law and we expects to get a Supreme Court Order reversing this law by Spring 2007. This law is discrimatory and does not treat all Fishermen equally. In addition, it violates many of the historic Indian Tribes "Right to Fish" Treaties which are mostly in the Northern USA. The final swing vote was on Alaska, who decided that they like it that way.

Well, LET YOUR HEART NOT BE TROUBLED.......

In Response, until this matter is resolved, Baitman Enterprises has created a Political Action Committee and constructed a building to house the offices.

MEGA INDOOR FISHING POND

This New Facility is an INDOOR Pond for our northern US customers. It will be fully stocked with Fish and a ready supply of Bait For Sale. The Baitman plans to Host several Fishing Tournaments throughout the Season. A Fun Place for the Whole Family. The Gift Shop will have T-Shirts, Tackle, and Bait.

The Concession Stand will feature products from our Worm Recipe Book, Beer, and of course the famous Baitman Tequila (with the free worm).

RESERVE YOUR TICKETS ON-LINE NOW.

Baitman Enterprises
11/5/06
200.53

200.52 - Desktop Worm Meter

Introducing: The Baitman Worm Meter

Loads onto your Desktop Computer so you can keep track of of Baitman Worm Shipments per minute. Always know the status of our Global Network.

Order NOW to get your Worms on-time. As you can see, we are very busy

as the Holiday Season approaches.

Good Fishing,

Baitman Enterprises
11/23/05
200.52

200.51 - Online Customer Service

To Our Valued Customers:

Due to the increase of Complaints concerning our response time to answering your various "service questions", we have moved our Customer Service Department to an unknown Off-Shore location.

However, the Good News is that we upgraded our Software and we are now able to DOWNLOAD an Automatic Response to your inquiry.

In the event that you did not get a satisfactory reply... please be patient, since your complaint might have been a rather "Large" issue to download.

After a Day or Two of faulty attempts, you may want to upgrade your Computer to become more compatible with our new Software.

As for now, Our entire Customer Service Dept staff have gone "fishing". You may still call: 1-800-BAITMAN, but nobody is there.

ORDERING INFORMATION:
Submit order on-line with secure credit card process now.
Toll Free Phone Orders: 1-800-BAITMAN

Mail Order: Ethernet-Fish@Charter.net

Baitman Enterprises
Global Underwater Headquarters
Any Port Authority. USA

Business Hours:
Mon.-Thur.2:30am to 5:00am EST.
Friday: By Appointment.

Sincerely,

Baitman Enterprises

Promotion Note:

With any Purchase of our "36" Worm, you will receive a FREE Customer Complaint CD software.

Baitman Enterprises
10/9/06
200.51

Monday, January 21, 2008

200.50 - Fish 'N Chips Playing Cards

"Fish and Chips" Gift Set

Product ID: Baitman # 61006

Description: This tin-boxed set includes a deck of Go - Fish, Cards.

100 Poker Chips .and Poker Dice

in a solid platform for organized play in a handsome presentation.

This Gift set includes a booklet of "Best Tips & Hints" for Winning at "Go-Fish" and incorporates the Tips of the Best Poker Players of 2006.
Price: $30.00.

This Poker Set is especially designed for your next Fishing Trip. All Playing cards are Waterproof, and all the Chips are Floatable. Now you can make money while Fishing no matter what the weather conditions may be.

Baitman Disclosure:

The use of this product does not endorse gambling by the Baitman. The Baitman always cautions Fishermen not to get into water Over Their Head.

In case of any problems, you may buy extra CHIPS from the Baitman and they will be sent to you plain brown bait carton.

Baitman Enterprises
6/10/06
200.50

Sunday, January 20, 2008

200.49 - Baitman Family Album

BAITMAN FAMILY PHOTO ALBUM

I was looking through the old pictures that GRANDPA BAITMAN had in an old Tackle Box and found these to share:

Gramp's First Big Fishing Boat was the SS Killoran, but the Germans Sunk it during World War II. History claims that he was caught smuggling "Worms" across the Atlantic. The boat may have survived, but was overloaded with Atlantic Salmon which was to be sold to France for Caviar.

After the War, he gathered some fellow fishermen and they tried to set themselves back up in business. Only this time, the funds were short, and so was the boat.

After many years of Hard Work, and not yet having the modern technology of Ether-Net and Bait Development, they finally were able to open their first Bait Shoppe.

Soon, everyone wanted to know what Bait could produce such marvelous Fishing Trips. But, Gramps kept that a Secret only to be passed down to me (The Baitman) in the family.

One of the last photos of Grandpa Baitman shows Gramps in his original Baitman Office. All his Secret Stuff has been carefully preserved by the BAITMAN.

Grandpa would be proud to know that Baitman Enterprises has grown to produce the first "36" Worm, and now controls the US, Canadian, and European Crawler Markets. New Technology has produced a total Global control of the Fishing World.

Baitman Enterprises
4/18/06
200.49

200.48 - Golden Minnow Award

Baitman Receives "Golden Minnow" Award

The BAITMAN wishes to Thank all his "Guppy" Friends and Customers who offered their moral support in all the River Rat Casino Tournaments, to make this Award possible.

Awarded for Serious Poker search of "Suckers" and Skillful Navigation of "River Cards". The BAITMAN indeed knows how to handle a "Full Boat".

Thank you for playing in our "Suckers" Tournament.

We Suggest that you Invest your Re-Bait into purchasing Baitman Products rather than Poker. Call us: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Enterprises
11/13/06
200.48

Saturday, January 19, 2008

200.47 - Baitman Delivers Pizza

Press Release:

Baitman Enterprises is proud to announce that the renowned

Grill Rock Pizza & Brewery

has partnered with the Baitman to provide PIZZA DELIVERY to our customers in addition to our regular WORM and BREW Distribution.

Their entire staff is now On-Board the Baitman Cruise Fleets to deliver PIZZA to all of our Hungry Fisherman customers. Just a Phone call away......

The menu is specialized to cater to our Fishing cravings. Try out the Tuna nuggets, the Salmon Bits. Crusts are flavored to Tuna, Salmon, Perch, and many others. Don't forget to add the "Seaweed Salad" for only $1.00.

With your delivery, you may also order any of our other fine Baitman products like Worms, Minnows, Crickets, and Baitman Tequila (which includes a free worm). We suggest that you may want to HOLD the Anchovies due to environmental reasons that are beyond our control.

WE DELIVER WHEREVER YOU ARE.... Order Now: 1-800-BAITMAN

Baitman Enterprises
6/30/06
200.47