Scientists get worms drunk
San Francisco - Researchers found a gene responsible for drunkenness in worms after plying thousands of the tiny creatures with booze, a discovery that could boost the fight against alcoholism.
"Our end goal is to find a way to cure alcoholism and drug abuse," Dr. Steven McIntire said. "We hope to develop effective therapeutics to help Fisherman from Alcohol Abuse". Fishermen are in a High Risk category due to their excess experience with worms that may not be Sober at the time of use.
The drunken worms moved slower and more clumsy than sober ones, and laid fewer eggs. Teetotaler worms form a neat S shape to power propulsion while the bodies of drunken worms were straighter and less active.
When worms go wild..........
Apparently, earthworm alcohol abuse is common and costs the country billions of dollars each year in lost productivity.
Have you wondered why you see worms littering sidewalks during heavy rainstorms?
The drunken invertebrates are normally deep in their holes, sleeping off another wild night of boozing. When the rain floods their cribs, the hung-over worms crawl out, pass out and sprawl out on the warm walks.
A tipsy wiggler is easy to spot, says project researcher Dr. Steven McIntire.
Totally toasted worms move slower than sober ones. The teetotalers form neat S-shapes to power their movement across the ground, he says. The drunk worms were straighter, less active and slurred their slime.
"We had several fights break out among the intoxicated worms," a researcher quipped. "A drunk worm is a mean worm. You don't want to be alone and run into one in a dark bait shop, I can tell you that."
Several researchers tried using the sloshed worms as fishing bait, with little success.
"They hang limp on the hook, too intoxicated to wiggle," said one of the fishermen. "Or they drown or get sick in the water and scare the fish away. Drunken worms don't make good fishing bait."
The good news is the research uncovered the gene that causes the pub crawlers to get pickled. Although drunken Fishermen are more complex than worms, researchers believe we too may have a single gene responsible for alcoholism.
That gene helps slow brain transmissions. Alcohol increases the gene's activity, slowing the brain even more. That's why drunks do so many stupid things, such as eating the worms in Mexican tequila.
When the gene is disabled or mutated, it can't tell the brain to slow down and act drunk.
That's great booze news. Genetic engineering may one day allow you to drink like a fish, but never get drunk.
Better living through science.
The study discovered that intoxicated worms lay fewer eggs than sober crawlers. That could lead to changes in Worm populations that are experienced mostly during the Holiday Seasons. Supply and Demand set the Global Market costs of bait.
No one knows how many worms misuse alcohol. The stubborn little wigglers refuse to fill out questionnaires after a day on the Beach.
BAITMAN is not particulary alarmed at this scientific study. At first glance, it would seem that a Happy Worm will soon make a Happy Fisherman. Baitman always cautions our customers to handle Worms with Care. However, if you are concerned about your contact with Drunk Worms, we have set up a special Support Group. Call: 800-AAA-WORM.
BAITMAN will continue to ship the finest and happiest Worms that are available. If you require Low-Alcohol Worms, please indicate on your next order.
If you have any excess Worms that you would like to donate for further Research Study, you may submit to the Baitman University. Please carefully pack all specimens in "alcohol" and clearly mark the alcohol content. Sorry, we do not accept any 3.2% samples at this time, All Worms become the property of the Baitman and no alcohol can be returned.
Baitman Enterprises
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